It's interesting how God maneuvers things into place for us, for our benefit. Romans 8:28 Things that we don't think about being very meaningful or significant. Minor changes happen in which we don't take notice He is making in our lives. Such a change happened to me right before Easter.
I suddenly had the urge to write a new song and play my guitar. I hadn't picked it up in a while and it didn't take long for my fingers to get sore. But I still needed to play. I had intended to get everything down in time to play it at my church for Easter. The song came to me rather quickly, but it never seemed quite right. Still, I practiced the chords and rhythm that came to me. I didn't know then that I would be needing that song for myself nearly a month later.
I didn't play the song I had together for church. I didn't feel that I could play it from my heart. I can't glorify God with my playing if I cannot play it truthfully and completely from my heart. See, the title of the song is, "I'm Givin Up". It's about completely surrendering to God. Surrendering everything. Not just my soul to eternity with Him, but every part of my life. I could feel I wasn't completely surrendered. I hadn't actually given up everything to Him.
So, life got stressful. I mean really hard. The Lord pulled me down to a place where I could only look up to Him. He led me to the place where I HAD to surrender in order to keep going. Every single aspect of my life felt like it was crumbling down. I had no control at all. Everything I tried either made no difference at all or actually made things worse.Proverbs 29:25
Often times we tend to take our lives into our own hands. We can trust God with our salvation, but we can't seem to let go of the little stuff. Let's face it, our lives are pretty small in comparison with how great our God is. If we can trust God with our eternity, why can't we trust Him with our temporary?
There was a point in the last week that my heart truly broke. Something happened that I never in a million years would have expected. The ache in my heart was more than I could bear. I cried out to God for His help. Psalm 143:4-7 I begged Him to help me forgive. To bring healing. To help me love anyway. I laid in bed and cried like I've not cried in a very long time. My very soul was crying for relief. I sang praises to God. I did. I praised Him through my pain.Psalm 21:13 Only God Himself could help me in those moments. Only He could reach in and soothe the pain. Psalm 146:3 Psalm 118:8
Slowly, I could feel the pain ease. I felt forgiveness come into my heart. After everything that God has forgiven me for in my life, and the things I haven't even yet done, how can I not forgive someone else? My sins against God are far greater than those anyone has done against me. God forgave me. I am called to forgive others because He has forgiven me. Matthew 6:14-15
God was working on my heart. I was still very raw and worn out. He gave me even more than the one song I'd started with. He helped me fix the song I had written a month ago. He also helped me let out some of the pain with a couple other songs. I don't yet know that I will share them with the church, but they helped me praise Him more and heal. And I have now come to a place where I can sing the first song from my heart. Even from my soul.
What a mighty God we serve! How great Thou art my Abba! Thank you, LORD for loving me. A love that I cannot truly understand but am so very grateful for. Psalm 139:17-18 Without it I am nothing and can never be anything else. I love you, Lord!
